WOW!!
So I even went back to watch the his rebuttal video to be sure I wasn't just having a knee jerk reaction...
TL;dr -- this guy is an asshat who's victim blaming and doesn't know the definition of rape.
To start off with, I agree "teach your son's not to rape" won't solve 100% rapes. There will always be people who are deviant, violent or mentally ill. There will always be situations where things went to far and one party couldn't take no for an answer. So I agree the solution to rape isn't we need to teach boys not to rape, but this video does show why we need to teach boys ABOUT rape, and what constitutes rape.
But they aren't the only ones that need to be taught about rape. So YES, I agree, there are things we need to teach girls to help mitigate their risk (have a buddy system, don't go off alone, don't accept drinks from strangers)...
But, so many of the things that came out of this man's mouth were so wrong. Notice I didn't say to keep safe from rape you need to dress conservatively or not dance suggestively. This is victim blaming no matter what that man in the video says.
It's like saying if you want to stay safe from mugging don't wear expensive clothing. While it's true if I dress like a homeless person I probably won't be targeted for a mugging, but it doesn't guarantee that it won't happen. Mugging is a crime and it shouldn't matter if I have on a ten thousand dollar watch or if I'm wearing a Walmart outfit. The mugger is at fault.
The Commentator argues in the rebuttal video that the Feminist out cry over what he says contributes to girls being unsafe. Or as he eloquently put it 'Feminist logic' Stay Safe = You Deserve To Be Raped.
He's missing the point of the anger. In a culture that is saturated with victim blaming, a man telling girls that the length of their skirt and drinking too much puts them at risk reinforces the perception that the victim is at fault.
Yes there are things we can all do to be safer, but if the point in that video is to teach girls to be safe, there are better things to teach young girls than don't dance suggestively!!!
Why aren't we talking about friends looking out for each other? Why aren't we talking about how to be young and be able to enjoy drinking and dancing AND STILL stay safe by have a Designated Sober friend? Why aren't we recommending girls have friends ID check potential dates (hookups)? These are ways we can teach girls to be safe that doesn't promote victim blaming.
Dancing provocatively and turning on a guy, is no excuse for rape. The bump and grind on a dance floor doesn't constitute consent. And I'm so sorry you're turned on, find someone else who's willing or go home and take care of it yourself!!!
TL;dr -- this guy is an asshat who's victim blaming and doesn't know the definition of rape.
To start off with, I agree "teach your son's not to rape" won't solve 100% rapes. There will always be people who are deviant, violent or mentally ill. There will always be situations where things went to far and one party couldn't take no for an answer. So I agree the solution to rape isn't we need to teach boys not to rape, but this video does show why we need to teach boys ABOUT rape, and what constitutes rape.
But they aren't the only ones that need to be taught about rape. So YES, I agree, there are things we need to teach girls to help mitigate their risk (have a buddy system, don't go off alone, don't accept drinks from strangers)...
But, so many of the things that came out of this man's mouth were so wrong. Notice I didn't say to keep safe from rape you need to dress conservatively or not dance suggestively. This is victim blaming no matter what that man in the video says.
It's like saying if you want to stay safe from mugging don't wear expensive clothing. While it's true if I dress like a homeless person I probably won't be targeted for a mugging, but it doesn't guarantee that it won't happen. Mugging is a crime and it shouldn't matter if I have on a ten thousand dollar watch or if I'm wearing a Walmart outfit. The mugger is at fault.
The Commentator argues in the rebuttal video that the Feminist out cry over what he says contributes to girls being unsafe. Or as he eloquently put it 'Feminist logic' Stay Safe = You Deserve To Be Raped.
He's missing the point of the anger. In a culture that is saturated with victim blaming, a man telling girls that the length of their skirt and drinking too much puts them at risk reinforces the perception that the victim is at fault.
Yes there are things we can all do to be safer, but if the point in that video is to teach girls to be safe, there are better things to teach young girls than don't dance suggestively!!!
Why aren't we talking about friends looking out for each other? Why aren't we talking about how to be young and be able to enjoy drinking and dancing AND STILL stay safe by have a Designated Sober friend? Why aren't we recommending girls have friends ID check potential dates (hookups)? These are ways we can teach girls to be safe that doesn't promote victim blaming.
Dancing provocatively and turning on a guy, is no excuse for rape. The bump and grind on a dance floor doesn't constitute consent. And I'm so sorry you're turned on, find someone else who's willing or go home and take care of it yourself!!!
But back to the original "teach boys not to rape" argument that started the video. The reason why "feminist" still say things like this is because jack asses still say things like it's not rape if you're just having bad sex and you want it to stop and it doesn't.
Um no JACKASS that would be rape. I don't care if you're about to climax, if for whatever reason your partner isn't comfortable or doesn't want to continue sex needs to stop or you've CROSSED THE LINE from bad sex to RAPE.
To say if you drink too much you are ultimately responsible if someone has sex with you while you're passed out and equating it to a drunk driver is why we still say men need to be taught not to rape. Having sex with a woman (or man) who's drunk and passed out is not like drunk driving, it's more like saying if someone comes across a drunk person and kills them it's the drunk person's fault because, you know, they were drunk.
Now drunk sex is a whole different topic. If both parties are drink beyond the point that either can make rational choices, the waters get a bit muddy. Let's face it plenty of bad choices have been made while intoxicated. Men, as well as women, have sex while intoxicated when they might not have done so sober. Regretting the choice in the morning, because your inhibitions were lower, doesn't mean it was rape. (hence the use of a buddy system while drinking!!)
But the one clear thing is that if one party is unconscious... if one party isn't drunk, then it's rape. If a person is incapable, for what ever reason, to consent to sex and you go ahead. IT IS RAPE!
Yes this is a long rant, but this video (and the first one he made) make me crazy. I'm not afraid of sex or sexuality. I don't want my daughter to be either. I hate that people still point to 'if she wasn't wearing that sexy dress then maybe...' or "If she didn't drink so much.."
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Shit videos like this just piss me off to be honest. People are so stupid. Yes, my clothing invites rape as much as my being fat is the cause of my spoon! grrr
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mysticlez
Very good article, and well said. I can't believe how many people I know who still think that rape is the fault of a "scantly-clad" women. I'm sad to say I live in a state where things like this happen: http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/08/steubenville-inspired-youth-program-misses-point.html
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