Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Audiobooks on the cheap?

I’m an audiobook devote. I work with numbers most of the day, so I can easily put in headphones and process medical claims and balance the bank accounts, all while listening to a book.

I like to read…and do feel audiobooks give you a different experience, but love being about to transport myself to a different place while I’m doing mundane things like bookkeeping, driving or doing the dishes.

 
There’s two major downfalls to audio books…
The first is narration. Sometimes a narration can ruin a book.  If a narrator changes in the middle of a series it can ruin the book for you (Ghost Story…I missed you Marsters L you can narrate for me any day, just saying.)
The other is Price.  Audiobooks are just as expensive as hard back books.  Going for $23 to $30 or more.  Even with a subscription to audible you’re still looking at $14 to $13 dollars a book, and this can be hard to justify when you can get a lot of ebook now for $6.99 or cheaper. (even the popular authors are around $9.99)

Amazon has been doing this Whisper-Sync for a while now.  Get the ebook with the audio and you can pick up right where the narration left off, or right were you stopped reading.  Have to go get the kids…no problem just pop in the earphones and you don’t have to leave you book behind/
Well last night I discovered something odd.  For some books it’s actually cheaper to get the ebook AND the audio book together.
Amazon is encouraging you to get the audiobook when you by the kindle version by discounting it.  A LOT!

TIME FOR MATH!!

Let’s look at Wool by Hugh Howey.
 

The Audiobook is $29.95. If you have a membership it’s $20.96. 
You save $8.99

But wait I want to use my credits.  A gold membership credit cost $14.95. 
You save $15.00.  Membership pays…
Let’s look at the new deal with Amazon. I can buy Howey’s Ebook for $5.99 and if at time of purchase I ADD ON the Audiobook it’s only $1.99.  So I get both for $7.98. 
You save $21.97 and $6.97 over the cost of a credit.
Not every book is like this.  And this doesn't work for every book, but for most you can get both book for less then the $14.95 credit cost.

You need to look for the tag on the audible page:
·         Whispersync for Voice

Listen to Edge of Shadows, then pick up right where you left off with the Kindle book, available from Amazon.com for $4.99. Learn more

Get this Audiobook for the reduced price of $1.99, when you buy the Kindle edition first.

So if you want to try out Audible.  This might be a way to give it a try.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Why I Want My Kids To Read Banned Books



In honor of Banned Books Week, an annual celebration of the freedom to read, sponsored by the American Library Association I’m sitting down to read some of my favorite Banned Books.

Why are we still talking about Banned Books in this day and age where sex is on prime time and childhood idols are twerking on national awards shows???

Well, even in 2012, the Office of Intellectual Freedom recorded 464 challenges, but the ALA (American Library Association) estimates that up to 80 percent are never even reported So where are these books being banned? Our schools and public libraries. What is it that is so offensive, so utterly damaging about any of the books that have recently been banned?



The most common reasons for a book being pulled off the selves:
Sexually explicit (the top reason according to the ALA), Offensive language, Homosexuality, Violence, Religious viewpoint, Drugs, and Nudity

Now I would agree books like Fifty Shades of Grey have no place in the schools, but I still think (despite my personal feelings on the book) it should be freely available at the public library. If parents are sooooo concerned little Timmy will get his hands on a sex book, they need to actually monitor their children, instead of dictating what everyone should be reading.

I have the resources to buy my kids books. We still frequent the libraries, mainly to find new things, but if it was our main source of books (like it is for many families) there should be a wide selection. Not on limited by the morals of a small minority.

Banning books mostly comes down to pissy adults, passing judgment and forcing their own personal morality on the whole. We are talking the old ‘squeaky wheel’ issue. Let’s take for example the The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison



JUST THIS WEEK the book was removed when ONE parent, Kimiyutta Parson, complained because it was ONE OF THREE books the students could pick from on a summer reading list for high school juniors. YES.  High school juniors… you know those kids between 16-17 years old. Here was Parson’s complaint:
“This novel is not so innocent; instead, this book is filthier, too much for teenagers. You must respect all religions and point of views when it comes to the parents and what they feel is age appropriate for their young children to read, without their knowledge. This book is freely in your library for them to read.”
 
So while I respect Parson’s right to tell her 11th grader not to read The Invisible Man because she feels it’s ‘filthy’, what right does she have to take that book out of the school, depriving other children the opportunity to read a book that won the National Book Award and is on the Modern Library’s list of the 100 best novels of the twentieth century?
Is it a fluffy book about unicorns and rainbows?

NO. It’s a hard book to read that deals with tough issues. It addresses many of the social and intellectual issues facing African-Americans in the first part of the twentieth century, including the reformist racial policies of Booker T. Washington, as well as issues of individuality and personal identity. It’s a book that makes you think. 

Arizona also pulled Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia for its sexually explicit content.



The book tells of the life of three generations of a single family after the 1959 Cuban revolution. The book written in 1982 was a finalist for the National Book Award. Cuban history and the rich culture are important facets of the novel. According to the American Library Association, which tracks banned books, this is the first banning of this novel.
Again, the banning originated with the complaint of one parent who noted the following passage was inappropriate for her 10th grader:

Hugo and Felicia stripped in their room, dissolving easily into one another, and made love against the whitewashed walls. Hugo bit Felicia’s breast and left purplish bands of bruises on her upper thighs. He knelt before her in the tub and massaged black Spanish soap between her legs. He entered her repeatedly from behind.

Felicia learned what pleased him. She tied his arms above his head with their underclothing and slapping him sharply when he asked.

“You’re my bitch,” Hugo said, groaning.

Sexually explicit? Yes, I agree, but the book is so much more than this one passage. This passage sets up the unstable and abusive relationship that Hugo and Felicia have.  She becomes pregnant and runs off with Hugo, against her own fathers wishes.  This passionate affair turns and she attempts to kill Hugo, ultimately causing her children to take his side.  Felicia tumbles down a hole of mental instability and her behavior becomes more despondent and erratic as the years go on. All of this starts with this one passage.

If you don't feel your 16 year old is mature enough to read this than there should be an alterative title for them to read. And again I go back to the idea; I don’t need to be told what’s right or moral for my child

I know what you’re thinking… ”Why don’t you just let your kid read the book on their own time? It doesn’t have to part of the school curriculum.”

Again I agree.... If schools allowed students to pick books to read on their own as part of the curriculum, instead of sticking with just the ‘mandated and appropriate’ titles, than I’d be fine with letting my kids pick their own books. But that’s not the way schools are run anymore. My kids have a hard enough time keeping up with the homework assigned and the light extra-curricular activities they enjoy. Leisure reading has become a luxury we reserve for vacations. 



Just so you understand where I'm coming from...This kind of mandatory reading nearly beat the joy of reading out of my son. The books assigned to him didn’t spark his interest and slowly he stopped wanting to read. I’ve just recently stoked those dying embers back to life with audio books and graphic novels, but I fear the damage may be long lasting.

And I know where he’s coming from. I do feel his pain...

It might be surprising to find out that I myself hated to read. Yes, me. The woman who easily reads three novels a week. The one who’s writing a book. It wasn’t until I was in eighth grade, around the age of 13 or 14, that I discovered the bodice ripper romance novels. You now the ones I mean, with the virginal heroine and the hunky man who was overly aggressive.

Johanna Lindsey was one of my favorite!!

Well, I started reading those salacious novels for the sex. Yes that right, at 13 I knew what sex was and wanted to read about it. The funny thing was those books were like a gate way drug. I started staying up all night to read them. I spent my spending cash to buy more. I started branching out to harder fiction and even some nonfiction. Before I knew what happened I found myself selling the stuff. I got a part time job at Barnes and Noble just so I could get my fix at a cheaper rate. 

So there it is dear reader, my mad decent into literary addiction.  Sexually explicit novels were my downfall.  My gateway drug of choice.

I’m not the type of parent to tell you what your child should and shouldn’t do… So please afford me the same respect. I only hope my son discovers he loves to read gory horror, gritty noir or space operas.  I wouldn't even care if he sneaks away with some of my dirty novels...as long as he is reading. 

With statistics saying one in four adults in the US did not read any books last year, I think we need to be less concerned with WHAT our kids are reading, and more concerned with whether they ARE reading.



The most challenged books in 2012 were:

1. Captain Underpants (series), by Dav Pilkey
Reasons: Offensive language, unsuited for age group

2. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie
Reasons: Offensive language, racism, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group

3. Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher
Reasons: Drugs/alcohol/smoking, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited for age group

4. Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit

5. And Tango Makes Three, by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson.
Reasons: Homosexuality, unsuited for age group

6. The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini.
Reasons: Homosexuality, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit

7. Looking for Alaska, by John Green.
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited for age group

8. Scary Stories (series), by Alvin Schwartz
Reasons: Unsuited for age group, violence

9. The Glass Castle, by Jeanette Walls
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit

10. Beloved, by Toni Morrison                                                                                         
Reasons: Sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

What's Up Wednesday 9/18/13

 
“What’s Up Wednesday” is a weekly blog hop by Jaime Morrow and Erin Funk. From Jaime: It’s similar in some respects to the Currently… post, but it’s been whittled down to only four headings to make it quicker and more manageable on a weekly basis. Be sure to visit Jaime's blog to add your post to the link list!


What I'm Reading
I've moved on to a fun contemporary romance Trouble in High Heels by Christina Dodd.  I was looking for something light and not very complicated as I'm in the middle of doing a Critique of my writing group.  So far Dodd hasn't disappointed.  While it's not turning out to be my favorite of her work, I'm still enjoying it.

Next on my list is Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan. It was highly recommended to me by a friend, so I'm looking forward to reading it.

With the kids we've been listening to the Welcome to Night Vale pod cast. (I know it's not reading, but audiobooks/podcast are just as valued to me.)  The show is well done, and my kids love it.  Might not be everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy the strange and absurd in our house. It's a little like NPR meets the Twilight Zone.



 What I'm Writing

Blogging:  Google+ now lets you embed post and I'm going to fiddle with this a bit with my blog. I'm not sure how it will work, so we'll see.

Novel: I've started back in my nightly write-ins with a friend.  Having a detailed outline for the chapter I'm working on has helped keep my word count up. I've always worked with an outline, but it's be fairly general...just plot points.  I've started to detail each chapter before I sit down to start writing, and it seems to be helping. 

Every morning I sit down and story board my chapters.  Than at night I work off that.  I have had to change some things, because as I write something new comes up or a scene runs long, but I'm flexible.  Just moving forward has me thrilled.
 
What Else I've Been Up To

Not a whole lot else has been going on.  Between keeping thing sane at my business, raising kids and writing...I've not done much else this week.  October is just around the corner and than we're into the holidays.

I did have this talk with my daughter:

(see embedded posts from G+)

What Inspires Me Right Now

I've read a lot of articles recently about human space flight to Mars.  The thought really has my creative processes spinning.

Even with a BioChem background I've never had the urge to write Science Fiction, but the recent news stories about Mars One, the one way trip to establish a Mars colony, has me rethinking that.

 

As the Guardian points out, though, the first few permanent Mars colonists will face more than just a freezing, dust-ridden environment. They're also likely to careen over the edge of psychological instability as everyone back home watches.  -Shaunacy Ferro

 Wow.  So now as I'm finishing up Lotus Petals, I'm struck with a load of ideas involving a pioneering crew establishing a colony on an inhospitable planet. There is so much human drama and psychology that a writer can tap into.  Maybe...  Maybe I'm ready to try my hand at a space story.  
 
So that's what's been up with me this week.  How has your week been?

 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Moms shouldn't let other Moms Slut-Shame

So I've been hot on G+ today with the topic of Body-Shaming. One thing I found today that really stood out was an article posted by xoJane.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MOTHER OF TEENAGE SONS WHO POSTED THE WEIRD SLUT-SHAMING RULES FOR TEENAGE GIRLS LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK.

So in an attempt to be a 'good mom' one mother wrote an blog post to the teenage girls on her son's facebook page, scolding them for posting “sexy selfies”

While I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting girls to be aware of how their actions might be seen to others (certainly as a mom I want my own daughter to be aware of the image she's presenting online), her post crossed from 'let me give you sage advice from one woman to another' into 'Slut-Shaming'.


I don't think we should shame girls for feeling comfortable in their bodies. We aren't talking about girls exposing their breast or posing in underwear either.

From her post:
"Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your skimpy pj’s this summer! "

"But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know."

"Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?"

WTF??? Did I miss the memo?  Are we back in the 1800s where men can't be responsible for their actions if the glimpse a bare ankle?!?!?



Don't get me wrong.  I think girls need to watch out what they are posting on line.  As do boys. But we need to talk to our kids these issues, not making them feel ashamed of their bodies. 

I love Tuesday Cain's response in the xoJane post:

"The bodies of young girls are not dangerous. But you know what is? Teaching young women they should be ashamed of their bodies."

I'm not the only one in the blogosphere who has issues with this.  Some of my favorite are
What if Mrs. Hall instead taught her boys what it’s like to grow up female and bombarded with these toxic messages? Imagine the potential for compassion and understanding to take root in her sons’ hearts and minds! Imagine how empowered they would be to effect change in their corner of the world! Imagine how motivated they might be to respect women, to be allies, and to demand equality! 

Instead, Mrs. Hall wastes energy and precious formative years teaching her boys that it’s the responsibility of young women they encounter to not sexually stimulate her sons. She is teaching them they have no agency over their sexual desires and that their only recourse is to be shielded from female skin. She is teaching her sons to alienate girls with normal desires and to join in on slut-shaming. Hellooo rape-culture! Truthfully
 This isn't just an issue of shaming, it's also an issue of how we view young girls vs young men.  The original post had photos of the family enjoying a day at the beach in their bathing suits.  (it has since been changes since it was pointed out how ridiculous that was.  She's telling young girls not to take photos in their PJs and in a towel, but she's fine with her boys being half naked.)
Mommyish blogger Koa Beck wrote that the "real issue here is sexist perception and the fact that we’ve culturally deemed a young girl in pajamas as innately salacious, but young men in bathing suits showing off their bods is just a wholesome PG time for all. 'FYI (if you’re a teenage girl),' this is pot meets kettle, the slut shaming edition."

Just so we are clear.

If you want to be a good mom, and not have to worry about sexualizing the girls in your life son's do these two thing:

1. Teach your daughters to love their bodies, respect other people, and DEMAND that they are respected (no matter how pouty their lips are).

2. Teach your SONS that women aren't only sexual objects, that it's okay to appreciate a woman's (or man's) physique without it being about sex, and Slut-shaming is NOT OKAY!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

What's up Wednesday 09/11/13

“What’s Up Wednesday” is a weekly blog hop by Jaime Morrow and Erin Funk. From Jaime: It’s similar in some respects to the Currently… post, but it’s been whittled down to only four headings to make it quicker and more manageable on a weekly basis. Be sure to visit Jaime's blog to add your post to the link list!


What I'm Reading

Bonds of Hope showed up on my kindle last night J so of course I started it. I had just finished with listening to the audio of World War Z and was preparing to start with my writing… but my new book was calling to me.

I started it, but I am putting down my foot (figuratively).  I’ve told myself I’m only reading during bed time.  I really have to get back on a regular writing schedule if I’m going to finish my draft.

What I'm Writing

Blogging:  Trying hard to catch up on my blogging, and I think I’m making some head way.  I have a couple guest blog requests that I think I might have to put on the back burner for now if I’m going to stay on task.

Novel: So after making my bold declaration last week (I will finish my first draft by October…) I haven’t written a thing.  I crammed to finish my critique for my writing group and then fell into reading.  “Just one more book” I kept telling myself.  Well tonight is our weekly write-in and I’m determined to get some work done.  I have about 8 chapters left to write and if I’m going to pump that out in 6 or so weeks I have to really sit down each night and hit my 1000 words a night goal.  I don’t think it’s outside my ability… with a little help from my friends. (I’m think of you Kate!!)
 


What Else I've Been Up To

This weekend we had a wedding.  It’s always fun to see people in love start their lives together. Outside of that we’ve had the normal family drama. 

This month has been big for family stress.  I’ve had to deal with the In-laws totally enable the brother-in-law and his continued worthlessness (and I don’t use that word lightly).  It’s frustrating and infuriating.  I could easily overlook it, except this all revolves around our family business. 

Hubby is preparing to start Grad school; a big part of the stresser for the family issues.  We’re still not sure if Grad school is going to require him to go down to part time, and if so we need to make up his salary by increasing mine.

What Inspires Me Right Now

0_o

I think that’s my issue.  I’ve been really uninspired this last week.  Work stress has encouraged me to hid in my books at night.  I’ve stayed off the social media sites and even off my nightly hangout with my writing buddies.

I need to find my spark again. Maybe I need a swift kick to get me going again.

 
So that's what's been up with me this week.  How has your week been?

 

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Shambling Guide to New York City by Mur Lafferty: Book Review



Last month I finished The Shambling Guide to New York City by Mur Lafferty and I thought it was high time I did a review.  
Urban Fantasy is one of my favorite genres, and I was excited to find The Shambling Guide book. It struck me as something different.  UF tends to take itself way too serious at times.  I love finding quirky, tongue-in-cheek books to smooth out the dark and devious ones I so often read.   Lafferty’s book definitely did that for me.

Premise:

The Hero of the story is a human, Zoe, who stumbles into the hidden world of monster (coterie) hidden among us. We get to follow her as she applies for a job to edit a travel guide for the coterie, and learns all about the world most normal people are unaware exists.   This helps transition the reader into the world Lafferty has created without it being too forced. 

High Points:

What I find most refreshing is that, while not without ‘skills’ of her own, Zoe isn’t a kiss ass ‘strong independent woman’.  She’s fairly normal; with a list of screw ups that has landed her back home in NYC.   I really appreciate this. Not only is the character relatable, she can be strong without having to be bad-assed.  I give Lafferty very high marks for this.
Nothing says: 'strong, independent woman' like a skin tight leather suit and high heels.
 
I also enjoyed the dialog.  Lafferty style is face pace and cheeky.  There were several places I laughed out loud. The story moved along at a nice pace and the characters were entertaining.
I would be amiss not to mention the ‘guide’ itself. The idea that and URBAN fantasy be centered on a series of guide books is genius!   Between chapters there are short excerpts from the Shambling Guidebook.  They made for fun and reveling asides between the narratives….

Low Points:

…however, near the end of the book I found the excerpt to be intrusive.  I wanted the story to move on and found the little asides slowed the pace.
Speaking of the end of the book, this is where things started to come apart.  The Big Ending revealed a villain that is a bit to inconvenient.   By the end of the book ALL the loose ends get tied up too neatly. (heck even Zoe commented about how tidy this was).  Outside of that the events were way too big to just be missed, and somehow they all get rationalized in the media.  I found that to be the hardest to swallow. I would have liked it more if the author used some of the standby tropes of the genre (mist or veils… the fog of the human mind to ‘forget’ the supernatural).
But as it stand, the humans are stupid and will buy what most media tells them…Okay, so maybe it’s not that farfetched.  Just saying!

picture credit: ~victormancuso
 

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed the book and have plans to put the next guide (New Orleans) on my reading list.  While it has some issues, there’s nothing I couldn’t overlook, and I LOVED the premise.  I can’t wait to see where Lafferty take this!

 

On a side note: I listen to the audiobook.  It was narrated by the author herself, and while I’m usually weary of self-narrated titles (come on authors… you’re writers not actors, leave the narration to the professionals) I didn’t hesitate with Mur Lafferty.  Lafferty, geek girl, essayist, and longtime Podcaster, is well suited for the job. She’s been working with voice recordings for years, and I thought her narration was done well.  

Sunday, September 8, 2013

50 Shades of Grey: Erotica and Truth in Fiction.

 
If you know me at all, you’ve probably seen my rants about sexism in science fiction and fantasy, and how superheroes, comic books, and games all tend to sexualize females instead of portraying real women. This got me thinking about what responsibility of writer has to portray realistic relationships in their writings. Particularly in the romance/erotica genre.  One of my biggest complaints about the romance/erotica genre is the unrealistic relationships between most of the women and men.  But what does the responsibility of the writer come down to? Should a writer be responsible for portraying real and healthy relationships?

I just finished two series of books, both erotica, both about dominance and submission (D/s). They both painted very different pictures of that kind of relationship. I’ll get to my review of them this week (I promise), but first I’d like to start with a popular series of books on D/s relationships that most people will at least know of, if not read: 50 Shades of Grey.



In full disclosure I did not read past the first book of 50 Shades. Please don’t email me and to tell me that the books got better or the dynamic between the two main characters changed. After the first book I knew I wasn’t terribly interested, because I felt that while it may have been a hot and steamy book, the relationship was unhealthy at best.

But was it the author’s responsibility to portray a real D/s relationship?

Maybe?

A lot of people really liked those books. Some people even said they improved their sex life. My rub is these books have been the first introduction to kink for a lot of people, and the picture it paints isn’t very flattering. Even more, the books perpetuated terrible stereotypes.



My issues aren’t with the exchange in power or the acts of submission and dominance portrayed…My issues with the book are the mental health of the characters. Christian Gray is a broken man with serious stalker tendencies, and because he’s damaged he’s into sadism and domination (at least that’s the conclusion the book seems to draw).

To be honest I think Anastasia was an idiot to give him control when it was clear the man needed to see a therapist. But perhaps this was the author’s purpose, if pure, virginal Anastasia can ‘fix’ him, he won’t need to be into BDSM.

The book furthers the impression that BDSM relationships are wrong and people who enjoy them have issues. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder) has listed sexual sadism and sexual masochism as a “paraphilia” for years. Putting these into a mental health manual tells society there’s something wrong with people who enjoy it. The view in the Psychiatric community has changed over the years. The American Psychiatric Association website posted updates to the paraphilic disorders and actually said that "most people with atypical sexual interests do not have a mental disorder."



As a matter of fact a published study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that people who participate in BDSM have better mental health then people who only practice ‘vanilla’ sex. The report says BDSM participants were “less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and had higher subjective well-being.” Perhaps it’s because the BDSM community encourages open communication and honesty. In order to participate in a healthy BDSM relationship, there’s a lot of give and take.

But back to 50 Shade…The portrayal of Christian goes back to these old notions that Doms must have control issues. There has to be something wrong with them in order to enjoy the dominance and sadism.

Fantasy is fantasy and I’d like to think readers can identify that this is not a manual to kink, but with the movie coming out there’s a new drive to say 50 Shades is just a book that romanticizes an abusive relationship.

Bullshit. 

When I hear things like:

Mass book burning of 50 Shades:
'I do not think I can put into words how vile I think this book is and how dangerous I think the idea is that you get a sophisticated but naive, young women and a much richer, abusive older man who beats her up and does some dreadful things to her sexually. 'My main objection is that at a time when local authorities are making cuts to outreach and refuge services for women experiencing domestic violence, we have libraries wasting and grossly misusing public money to buy a book which says: "domestic violence is sexy".

or

Leaning in and submitting, whether in life or in fantasy are not "hot" -- they are belittling. These actions erase us as women, as people.
But, the solution. Let's stand up straight, we can bounce at the knees for a stronger stance and flexibility as we stand, but we must refuse to kneel. The farther we lean in, the faster we're going to end up down and down is the last place we want to be. a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-garcia/why-i-wont-lean-in_b_3586527.html">Huffington Post

These recent articles are the reasons I care. That a book...(and not one I find very accurate) has the power to make women ashamed for their fantasies  (or the opposite, men to feel like abusers because they have the desire to be dominate), is a load of crap. 


I don't mind being whipped, as long as she handcuffs me first.
 
Hey, if it’s not your thing fine, but we should stop shamming people who are in consensual relationships that exchange power.  We need to stop shamming women and men for fantasizing or enjoying sex that out of the norm. As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual why does it matter?

While I agree fiction is an escape, there should be some responsibility in the author's hands.  Just like I scream that there needs to be more balance in the sexism presented in comics and games, I believe there needs to be balance in books.  Let me enjoy my smut.  Give me real characters. Don't perpetuate stereotypes. Shade my fantasies with TRUTH not Grey.

If you’re interesting in learning what a D/s relationship can be like, the author of Diary of a Submissive has a wonderful article about what 50 Shades got wrong. This is just one view...there are many different types of BDSM relationships out there.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

What's up Wednesday 09/04/13

What’s Up Wednesday is a weekly meme geared toward readers and writers, allowing us to touch base with blog friends and let them know what’s up. Should you wish to join us, you will find the link widget at the bottom of Jaime’s post. We really hope you will take part!

Wow is it really Wednesday already?!?!  Holiday weekends have a way of really making the week short.

What I'm Reading

I guiltily abandoned my reading list this week (didn't finish the Zombies Fallout or start Kitty Norville's new adventure) in exchange for several books in  Wicked Lovers series by Shayla Black.  Now that I've finished book 6 (just a few minutes ago).  I have book 7 on my kindle now, but I need to get serious about finishing up my critique for my writing group. I still have almost half the book to get through by Friday.  The Little Prince is still on this list with my Daughter and now that we've finished Ender's Game my Son and I have started The Knife of Never Letting Go.  September looks to be another busy reading month as several of my favorite authors have books coming out.

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that my list never seems to go down.

What I'm Writing

Blogging: My review deficit is getting worse.  I think I'm going to bunch the series together instead of giving them each a review to get me caught up.



Other Writing: Started on first round edits for the Anthology I'm working on.  Working with other Authors is a lot like herding cats!!  I'm happy, so far with the stories turned in and thing this will be an interesting Erotic/Romantic Anthology. 

Novel: Still trying to push through to the ending of my Modern Fantasy novel, but I'm feeling less inspired. I've come up with plot outlines for two new novels in the last week. *sigh* I'm committed to finishing, and have decided to put myself on a deadline (since it worked so well with the anthology.) I'm going to put my book inline for editing for October.  That will mean I NEED to have a first round draft done by then.  There I said it out loud...

What Else I've Been Up To

My domestic spree didn't last long. However, I did manage to get new blinds up in the master bedroom before my strange cleaning and handy man spree fizzled. Work has really been beating me down, but everyone is back from vacation now, and I've finished some projects.  Here's to hoping the short week gives me time to catch my breath!

What Inspires Me Right Now

G+ has snared my attention the past few weeks. I've found some really great sites and interesting articles that have really spiked those creative juices.  If you're not active on Google+, I encourage you to follow me. I try and pass along great content.

Some highlights from my G+ feed:

Found a kick ass kickstarter to help fund!



Lilith Dark is not your typical pink lovin' princess type. She's an adventure seeking, beastie slaying kid with attitude!


Ordered some lovely minimalist Fan Art for my upstairs loft:

 

I've also encouraged all my followers to join in the campaign to make Revenge Porn illegal.



  

The excitement over the upcoming Under The Skin.  The upcoming movie is based on a book of the same name that is a dark Science Fiction by Michel Faber:


 
 
So that's what's been up with me this week.  How has your week been?

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Shame is an epidemic

Too many of us were raised in a family or culture that encouraged shame. Not only that you should feel shame, but you should shame others. We are discouraged from expressing emotions. We are told: “Don’t be a baby.” “Big kids don’t cry.” Or “Man up.” So instead of developing skills to express our feeling, we internalize and develop shame.

“Shame is not guilt.
Shame is a focus on self,
Guilt is a focus on behavior.
Shame is “I am bad”
Guilt is “I did something bad”
~ Brene Brown ~


 


Brene Brown’s Ted Talk on shame really inspired me to take a long look at the shame culture that surrounded me. I personally have very little shame.  Without shame I find myself happier than I've ever been, but I still have friends that grapple with this issue on a daily basis.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I've never felt shame.  It took years to shed the chains of shame surrounding my body and sex that were forced onto me by well meaning adults in my life. When I was finally able to get over them, I was able to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

But after getting married and having kids I was surprised to find myself shackled with a whole new round of shame involving my parenting skills.

Becoming a mother should have been the most rewarding experience of my life, but again I found myself filled with self-doubt and shame over my abilities, over the fact I wasn't June Clever. Even worse OTHER moms heaped on loads of judgment and ridicule.  Trust me the playground is a brutal war ground. 



It wasn’t until I had a young mother show up on my doorstep unexpectedly, needing to talk. I invited her in, into my messy house (I like to joke my style is postmodern burglarized.) I apologized for the mess, filled with shame over my lack of a ‘company ready’ house. But it was after our talk (she’d been struggling with her mother-in-law and wanted some advice) when she thanked me, and told me how nice it was to see that other moms weren’t perfect all the time.


Never going to make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens
 
That’s when I realized I needed to ditch the shame. As long as my kids were happy and healthy, well adjusted (as well adjusted they can get with parents like us) I’m doing what my family needs and I didn’t need the guilt and shame.  Really aren't we all just trying to do our best?  Make other's feel bad won't make us feel any better.

Shame and gender.


Shame for women is something I’m well acquainted with. My early years, like so many women, were filled with shame. Shame about my body, shame about my intelligence, shame about my sexuality. Shame, for women, is a complex web woven with unobtainable, conflicting, and competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be.

And that’s the kicker. There’s no way to win. Be a sexual goddess, but demure. Be a loving, hands on mom, always there for you kids, but have a successful career. Do all this and have a house ready for a photo shot at all times.

It took me a long time, a wonderful marriage, and some really good friendships before I learned not to give a fuck about what society expects of me. So yes, I know what it’s like to feel shame as a woman.

The thing that struck me from Brown’s talk was when she spoke about how men feel shame. Brené tells of the man who inspired her to begin studying men, not just women. What he said shocked me:
“You say to reach out, tell your story, be vulnerable. . . but [my wife and three daughters] would rather me die on my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out to be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us, and don’t tell me it’s from the guys and the coaches and the dads, because the women in my life are harder on me than anybody else.”


That quote was like a kick in the gut. He’s right and wrong. So often we expect our men to be sensitive and open, but never stop being the strong providers and defenders. I think back to when I was a SAHM and how my husband told me how he felt like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders because he was our sole bread winner.

So my fellow women, we do not hold the market on Shame. I need to kiss my husband now.

“Me too.”

Secrecy, silence, and judgment are the breeding ground for shame, but Empathy is the antidote to shame. Working with breast cancer survivors has really taught me the best way to help someone get over shame is to share your own experience. Having someone else say, “Yes, that happened to me.”  

The best thing we can do is speak up and DON’T Judge.  By coming together, being empathetic, we can help put shame in its place.

Shame is “the swampland of the soul.” 
~Carl Jung.


Jung was on to something there. But the one thing we need to remember:

We don’t have to live there. DON'T get stuck there. Put on some galoshes and wade through that shit. Get to the other side. It's nice over here...and we have cookies (or was that the dark side?!?!) Hell we at least have liquor.  So, drop the shame and join me. :)