Moms shouldn't let other Moms Slut-Shame

So I've been hot on G+ today with the topic of Body-Shaming. One thing I found today that really stood out was an article posted by xoJane.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MOTHER OF TEENAGE SONS WHO POSTED THE WEIRD SLUT-SHAMING RULES FOR TEENAGE GIRLS LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK.

So in an attempt to be a 'good mom' one mother wrote an blog post to the teenage girls on her son's facebook page, scolding them for posting “sexy selfies”

While I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting girls to be aware of how their actions might be seen to others (certainly as a mom I want my own daughter to be aware of the image she's presenting online), her post crossed from 'let me give you sage advice from one woman to another' into 'Slut-Shaming'.

I don't think we should shame girls for feeling comfortable in their bodies. We aren't talking about girls exposing their breast or posing in underwear either.

From her post:

"Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your skimpy pj’s this summer! "

"But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know."

"Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?"

WTF??? Did I miss the memo?  Are we back in the 1800s where men can't be responsible for their actions if the glimpse a bare ankle?!?!?

Don't get me wrong.  I think girls need to watch out what they are posting on line.  As do boys. But we need to talk to our kids these issues, not making them feel ashamed of their bodies. 

I love Tuesday Cain's response in the xoJane post:

"The bodies of young girls are not dangerous. But you know what is? Teaching young women they should be ashamed of their bodies."

I'm not the only one in the blogosphere who has issues with this.  Some of my favorite are

What if Mrs. Hall instead taught her boys what it’s like to grow up female and bombarded with these toxic messages? Imagine the potential for compassion and understanding to take root in her sons’ hearts and minds! Imagine how empowered they would be to effect change in their corner of the world! Imagine how motivated they might be to respect women, to be allies, and to demand equality! 

Instead, Mrs. Hall wastes energy and precious formative years teaching her boys that it’s the responsibility of young women they encounter to not sexually stimulate her sons. She is teaching them they have no agency over their sexual desires and that their only recourse is to be shielded from female skin. She is teaching her sons to alienate girls with normal desires and to join in on slut-shaming. Hellooo rape-culture! Truthfully

 This isn't just an issue of shaming, it's also an issue of how we view young girls vs young men.  The original post had photos of the family enjoying a day at the beach in their bathing suits.  (it has since been changes since it was pointed out how ridiculous that was.  She's telling young girls not to take photos in their PJs and in a towel, but she's fine with her boys being half naked.)

Mommyish blogger Koa Beck wrote that the "real issue here is sexist perception and the fact that we’ve culturally deemed a young girl in pajamas as innately salacious, but young men in bathing suits showing off their bods is just a wholesome PG time for all. 'FYI (if you’re a teenage girl),' this is pot meets kettle, the slut shaming edition."

Just so we are clear.

If you want to be a good mom, and not have to worry about sexualizing the girls in your life son's do these two thing:

1. Teach your daughters to love their bodies, respect other people, and DEMAND that they are respected (no matter how pouty their lips are).

2. Teach your SONS that women aren't only sexual objects, that it's okay to appreciate a woman's (or man's) physique without it being about sex, and Slut-shaming is NOT OKAY!